Hello, world. My name’s Stephen LaConte, I’m a writer here at BuzzFeed, and according to my friends and family, I’m pretty darn good at giving advice.
We’ve got two urgent DMs to answer today, so let’s get to it!
First, we’ve got this anonymous young woman, whose time in COVID-19 isolation has her tempted to sext her ex:
Okay, first of all, it seems like a whole lot of people are getting horny in quarantine — so many, in fact, that actual medical doctors are being asked to explain it. So you definitely aren’t alone on that front, my friend.
Still, I’m gonna tell you NOT to sext with your ex. Because there’s one thing worse than being horny in quarantine, and that is being SAD in quarantine.
Your ex is an ex for a reason. And while sexting with them might solve your loneliness problem, it’s likely to create a million new problems in your life as soon as the digital deed is done.
Look. You’ve only been broken up for a few months. That’s still very recent! It’s likely you’d be having these temptations even if there wasn’t a worldwide pandemic happening right now. Missing your ex after a breakup is quite natural — but it’s also a big, fat trap. Don’t fall for it!
Find ways to distract yourself whenever you start to miss them. Take up a new hobby, deep-clean your apartment, do some at-home workouts, catch up with old friends. Heck, get on Tinder and go on some FaceTime dates. For better or worse, we’re all finding ourselves with PLENTY of free time right now. Use it to invest in yourself, not your ex.
As for any lingering quarantine horniness? Well, far be it from me to promote any other website than BuzzFeed, but I think there are more than a few places online that can help you out with that, if ya know what I mean.
Good luck, steer clear of your ex, and go wash your hands.
Next up, we’ve got this bride-to-be, who isn’t sure whether to invite her parents to her wedding:
Nah, don’t invite your parents. Your wedding should be a day to celebrate and enjoy yourself, and I don’t think that will happen with your estranged parents staring you down from Table 2.
Full disclosure: My advice might be different if I thought your parents were capable of showing up and behaving themselves. But you say they’ll revolt if they don’t get to walk you down the aisle. To not speak to you for a year and then demand aisle-walking privileges is, frankly, nuts, and tells me they don’t understand boundaries. So this is one boundary you’ll have to set for them — by leaving them off the guest list.
You mention that people close to you are urging you to invite your parents. I’m sure these folks mean well, and in fairness to them, wedding culture has brainwashed all of us! We live in a world where third cousins, random coworkers, and creepy uncles all somehow work their way onto the wedding guest list — so OF COURSE your parents should be there too, right?
Except your parents shouldn’t be there, because you don’t have a relationship with them, and their presence is likely to ruin an otherwise happy occasion. It’s really that simple! So let your friends know your decision, and ask them to respect it.
Remember that your wedding is just one day of your life. There will be other days when you and your parents can work toward reconciliation — days when you aren’t busy, y’know, getting married and stuff. That’s assuming you even want to reconcile — maybe you don’t! In any event, a wedding is not the place to heal deep familial wounds.
I’m glad you mentioned your “homemade family.” It sounds like you’ll be surrounded by people who love and support you on your wedding day. That’s what really matters. Stick with those people, and I don’t think you’ll have any regrets.
Well, that’s all the advice I’m giving today, folks. But now it’s your turn — sound off in the comments with YOUR best advice for today’s letter writers. I’ll be reading…