I too just want to be swaddled and fed and left alone.
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1. A cozy onesie that is soooo much better than a pair of pants and a button-down. Why did we ever grow out of these things?
2. Fancy unsweetened applesauce so you can enjoy a mushy treat, even if the usual baby food staple is way too sweet for your adult palate.
3. An adult swaddle that’ll keep you snug and safe. Babies may be the champions of coziness, but we can still try to replicate it.
7. A stylish midcentury rocking chair that’ll ease the pain of the knowledge that no one will be rocking you to sleep in a cradle any time soon.
9. A bottle of Aveeno baby lotion so you can have silky skin that’s as soft as a baby’s bottom.
10. A fancy mobile that is perfectly acceptable decor in a non-nursery. The original mobiles by Calder weren’t for babies so let us reclaim those majestic spinners.
11. And a pair of earrings shaped like mini art deco mobiles to show off your love of the kinetic art.
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