The process of healing from a breakup is tedious. A lot of nights are spent attempting to make sense of how it all ended. You wonder, day by day, how can two people who loved each other fall apart so quickly. You ask yourself if there’s something you could have done to save the relationship. You imagine different scenarios. You look back and analyze and find clues and meanings, only to arrive at the same conclusion that the person who once was special to you is now gone. This doesn’t make the journey of getting over them any easier. When you find it difficult to move forward in life without them, these reminders might be helpful:
1. If they truly believe in the relationship, they will fight for it.
No matter who initiated the breakup the simple fact is if they really see their future with you, they will try their best to make the relationship work. It won’t be easy to just let you go. The way people’s minds work, most of the time, is very simple – it’s either they are all in with you, or they’re not. If someone walks away from a partnership, and you don’t hear from them after quite a while, it’s probably time to move on.
2. It’s not a sign of weakness to admit that you are hurting.
Part of falling in love is sharing parts of yourself with another person. You allow them to see you from inside out. You create beautiful memories with them. Once they vanish from your life, it can feel like they left a hole that is too big to cover with a band-aid. This is the most painful part of a breakup. The idea of starting all over again on your own. It is okay to recognize that you’re scared. It is okay to admit to yourself that you are hurting. Being honest with yourself about what you’re going through will somehow make the process of healing more manageable.
3. Losing someone is not the end of the world.
Well, it can feel like it in the beginning, but in reality, life will go on. Time will not stop ticking. The sun will still show up tomorrow, and everybody will carry on with their usual day-to-day tasks. You are allowed to take as much time as you need to deal with the pain inside your chest. Give yourself space to reflect on everything that happened. But at some point, you have to go back to living your normal life. You have to learn how to live with the pain. And hope that along the way the pain will go away.
4. This is an opportunity for you to have me-time again.
When was the last time you did something or made a decision without taking someone else’s feelings or opinions into consideration? How long has it been since you actually had time for yourself? It’s nice to be with the person that you love, to be selfless, and to do things for other people. But in the process of doing so, sometimes you forget to give yourself the care and attention that you deserve. Stepping out of a relationship allows you to return to that mental space where you can enjoy solitude. You can have the opportunity to be reacquainted with yourself without the influence of other people.
5. Forgiveness might not be easy but it will surely help you move forward.
I get it. Forgiveness is heroic and reserved for people with the kindest hearts. It is not easy to give to someone who broke your heart. But a key to completely disentangling yourself from your past relationship is to absolve them of the sins they committed against you. It doesn’t have to happen overnight. It doesn’t require a deadline. But you can start forgiving them now – slowly, day by day. Being the bigger person somehow lessens the weight off of your shoulders.
6. Sometimes even the greatest relationship doesn’t last forever.
Not everything stays afloat in the sky. At some point, things come back to the ground. Sometimes they land gracefully, sometimes they crash and burn disastrously. Either way, the time spent together above didn’t last a lifetime. This can happen even to the two people you least expect to separate. Relationships are not an easy-breezy thing to manage. If someone stops trying, it’s all downhill from there. That’s why every single day, somewhere in this world, a marriage ends up in a divorce or a relationship breaks apart. Almost all of us go through this. Thinking about it doesn’t absolutely take the sting away, but it can make you feel less alone.
7. It’s possible that one day you will find someone better.
If you think about it, there is surely a match for you out there. In a world of 7 billion people, you only need to find one person. Chances are, you will come across different people over the months and years who will open your eyes to the possibility that you will meet someone better than your ex. You’ve learned your lessons. You’ve had meaningful experiences. You know yourself more. And so, when you have a strong sense of self and know exactly what you are looking for, you will attract the person who fits you.
8. You have to be okay with letting people go.
The pain of realizing your future will no longer involve them is immeasurable. It’s strange to go on in your daily routine knowing the person you’re accustomed to being around is no longer there. Some days this is going to make you feel lonely. But over time, you have to learn to be okay with it. Because part of life is learning to let people go. To let them become who they want to be without you in the picture. Some people will come into your life and leave. And when the time arrives that they have to go, you must set them free.
9. The only thing you can control at this point is your own life.
Whatever they’re doing right now is, sadly, none of your business. If they choose to date someone new, that’s their choice. And you can’t control it or have influence over it. The only thing that you can control now is how you move on. You have to find ways to reunite with yourself. You have to train yourself not to stalk them or check on them. You have to avoid comparing yourself to them. Just because it seems like they’re totally over you doesn’t mean that you have to feel the same way. You’re allowed to take your time.
10. There is still more for you in this world.
You are still so young and have so much time ahead of you. This agony you’re experiencing now will not matter someday. You still have so much more love to give and someone else deserves to receive it. There are many great things waiting for you out there. You have so many more people to meet, so many more places to visit, and so many more days to live. A failed romantic relationship is not the end of the world. It’s not even worth regretting. You can only learn from it. You can be grateful it happened, and have hopes that the next relationship will be better than the last.