There’s a lot to unpack here.
You may remember a little 2009 reality show called Teen Mom.
I was unfortunately not allowed to watch it, probably due to being in seventh grade at the time.
Now that I am officially an adult,™ I decided to watch the first episode…and holy crap, guys, there is just SO MUCH to unpack. So without further ado, here are my thoughts on the pilot:
So, first up we have Farrah, Sophia’s mom. Farrah is getting ready for a date with this new guy, Cole, and her mom is taking it veryyy seriously.
Next up we have Catelynn, who gave her baby up for adoption. Now she’s at the doctor’s getting an IUD and I…I don’t really know why her boyfriend Tyler is here…
Again…why exactly is her boyfriend here?
Then there’s Maci. She’s engaged to her baby’s father, Ryan, but literally, neither of them looks happy about it. Like, seriously, I’m not even sure they like each other.
And finally, there’s Amber and Gary and their daughter, Leah. They seem to have a tumultuous relationship, to say the least.
Okay, back to Farrah! It’s time for her date with Cole — is it just me or does he look a LOT like a young Liam Hemsworth?
We’re 30 seconds into this date and I already wanna throw my shoe at the TV.
I…I can’t handle this, guys.
Okay, now it’s back to Catelynn and Tyler and— HANG ON. Did Catelynn just say that her mom is married to Tyler’s dad??
Why is Amber so shocked that babies cry a lot?
Oh man, now Cole Is meeting Farrah’s parents. TBH, if someone’s mom grilled me about my entire relationship history like this, I think I would simply just get up and leave.
I truly do not have the words to describe how awkward this is. Emily Gilmore would be easier to meet.
Wait, so Maci and Ryan are supposed be getting married in less than two months, they haven’t done any wedding planning, AND Ryan is leaving for work for a month? I don’t even know these people and I’m stressed for them!
Well, things went south for Farrah and Cole pretty quickly. Apparently a girl messaged her and said that Cole spent the night at her house recently…seems sketch. So now Farrah is driving two hours to go confront him.
OMG, Farrah just straight-up called this girl and asked if she and Cole hooked up. Oop…
Aaaand Farrah and her friends just stormed out of the restaurant. Welp, that didn’t last long.
Wow, that first episode was a LOT to take in. If I’m gonna get through the rest of this season, I think I’m going to need a glass of wine…or three.
TV and Movies
Get all the best moments in pop culture & entertainment delivered to your inbox.